Families of U. S. service members who pass away while serving abroad experience unfathomable grief and numerous questions that must be resolved in order to return their loved one home. They are assisted through that process by a vast network of caring individuals based at Dover Air Force Base in Delaware. In addition,  ,
Many moving parts start to move when what is known as a dignified transfer of remains is scheduled at Dover. Some experts deal specifically with the remains, while others are only there to help the fallen’s families. These people are a part of the Air Force Mortuary Affairs Operations team, which arranges respectable transfers for U.S. service members across all branches.  ,
AFMAO will get in touch with the family to find out if they’ll attend the transfer and what services they might require once the dignified transfer preparations get underway. The branch liaison for the fallen service member will then speak with them.  , ++
When families arrive in Dover, a special area of the base houses three significant locations for them: the Fisher House, where they are provided with free lodging while visiting, the Center for Families of Fallen, which transports them as the aircraft bringing in their loved ones, and the Meditation Pavilion for when they need time to reflect, pray, or simply be by themselves.  ,
Full-Service Care ,
Families can only watch a respectable transfer at the Dover Fisher House, which makes it special. Additionally, Senior Airman Huston Crayton, one of the Reservists and deployed active-duty airmen, makes himself available to the families to comfort them and address any questions or special requests they may have while they are there. In addition to  ,
” We stick by them the entire time.” Never are they left unattended. When we do receive a family, we work around-the-clock operations, according to Crayton, who offered the position. He claimed that being a member of the military might make him more approachable to grieving families. ” We’re donning the uniform.” We were sent to the same locations as our fallen ones. I simply feel that it requires a different level of care.
Every six months, deployed airmen like Crayton rotate in and out of the position, and because they bring specialized skill sets to the table, they are frequently hand-selected for the job. Chaplains and grief counselors get these airmen ready for the “does” of what to say and do once they arrive in Dover.  , ++
One is to avoid making any promises to them or telling them,” I know how you feel,” because, in the end, you do n’t, according to Crayton. You do n’t understand what’s going through their minds or their experiences,  ,
He claimed that it is a task that calls for great understanding and patience. ” We’re here to minimize their suffering during this experience.” Therefore, Crayton said,” We’re here to do anything we can to relieve stress and pain. Because every family grieves in a different way, this is truly from the heart.
A service branch liaison and a service-specific chaplain greet families when they arrive at the Fisher House. A five-person support team, including a senior chaplain, staff, religious affairs airman, deployed mental health technician, and military family life counselor, is also available to families. In addition,  ,
We could n’t be as effective as we are without deployed service members, according to Air Force Captain. Senior chaplain of the AFMAO, Benjamin Quintanilla Jr. Quintanilla has been an active-duty chaplain for almost ten years, despite the fact that he is relatively new to AFMAO. He claimed that while working on a patient who had been injured in Afghanistan and passed away in the operating room, he received the initial call while serving as an enlisted airman in Germany. Following that encounter, he left the military, attended a seminary, and then rejoined the Air Force.  ,
Expert Support ,
Members of the permanent family support team at AFMAO receive grief training to gain knowledge of how to console families. According to Quintanilla, part of their responsibility is to share their grief.  , ++
” For many of them, the No. 1 factor is simply the death’s reality. They are encountering that reality, which is the one thing that is happening here. Therefore, for us, we make an effort to simply be present with them, meet them where they are, and ask,” How can I serve you?” said Quintanilla. Because their lives are so out of control whenever grief is so intense,” sometimes that’s… letting them gain some control of their life by making their own coffee.” 
He claimed to have observed that for many people, small gestures, such as having them talk about what made their loved one special, mean the most. In addition,  ,
He explained that “it’s just sitting with people, feeling at ease in that setting, and genuinely listening to and hearing their story.” ” That will have a long-lasting effect on that family,” 
A chaplain from that branch will join the Air Force family support team when a soldier, sailor, or Marine passes away while on duty abroad. The family will consider their requests for accommodations and make adjustments based on their religious beliefs.  , ++
We’ll try our best to bring a rabbi here if the family is Jewish. We’ll get an imam if it’s a Muslim family, Quintanilla said. In addition,  ,
Guiding them all the way through,
The families are transferred from Fisher House to the Center for Families of the Fallen on the official transfer day. That, according to Quintanilla, is when the reality of the family’s loss begins to become apparent. After being briefed by the team on the family’s state of mind, distinguished guests, such as military senior leaders, may also stop by to offer their condolences. The support team will explain to them how the dignified transfer operates.  ,
There are several rooms at the Center for Families of the Fallen, some of which are more private for those who choose not to accept condolences. A children’s room is also present. In addition,  ,
Quintanilla, the father of three young girls, said,” I get emotional about this one.” ” As you enter this room, you’ll see a chalkboard with writing on it that looks like scribbles all over it. I frequently say,” That’s what grief looks like to a child,” to visitors who come here. ”  ,
The team, according to him, frequently reminds parents that children in mourning typically behave in a rebellious manner.  ,
They’re merely attempting to convey to you their need for additional love. They require a few more cuddles. They are in mourning and grief. They miss their parents, Quintanilla claimed. Slow down, then, because this is how their current way of life appears. As our mentor taught us, we always tell people that a child can grieve if they are old enough to love.
He claimed that although the job is challenging, having a strong support network helps him succeed. ” It’s unquestionably a calling that carries some weight. But Quintanilla remarked,” I always have to go back to my faith.”  , ++
The support team will take the family to the flight line and stay with them throughout the entire transfer when it is ready to start in a dignified manner. A team member joins the service members carrying the transfer case to meet and assist the escort, who is typically a member of the unit serving the fallen service member and has traveled with them. In addition,  ,
According to Air Force Staff Sgt.,” 13 to 15 hour flights with someone who was possibly their supervisor or best friend come with a lot of complex emotions.” The current NCOIC of religious affairs, Nicole Schambon-Martinez, plays that part. ” A lot of it in that initial meeting with that person is figuring out their body language and demeanor.” After that, they move on to what they might need at that precise moment.”  , & nfspp,
Martinez makes a connection between the escort and the liaison for the service branch before going back to check on the carry team.  ,
She explained,” I’m given the chance to care for a select few people, and that gives me the capacity to make sincere connections—to get to know them personally and see how I can assist them.” You ca n’t find a relationship quite like that anywhere else, and it’s very genuine and priceless.
A Selfless Task, nbsp
The family of the deceased returns to the Fisher House following the respectful transfer, where airmen like Crayton will ensure they have everything they require and get ready for their upcoming return trip.  ,
The entire endeavor is a rewarding but selfless mission for members of the family support team.  ,
Martinez remarked,” It’s not about me.” ” This is about caring for the families of the deceased and for those who are experiencing traumatic events.” I’m here to make room for them to do whatever it is they require at that precise moment.
For Quintanilla, love is the most crucial aspect of the job because it is both straightforward and complex.  ,
He questioned,” How do we love and care for that family whose life and world have been upended?” What does it mean for that family that “it’s easy to love when you’re called to it”? And how will that family react to it? That is how complicated it is.